I’m out of the house. I have nowhere to go. I’m typing this at the library while I figure out what to do next. I’ve never felt like such a failure.
At least I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m 35 seconds into this video, and I already identify with this guy.
Tony invited me out for lunch tomorrow! It’ll be his birthday, and he said he wanted to spend it with me. He’s been the one friend who has stuck by my side through all this. I’m so grateful to him for that.
It’ll be so great to have a normal meal with another human being. And after everyone sees us having lunch together, I think a lot of the stigma will go away. They’ll see that I’m still me, hanging out with my friend, and they’ll all be ready to accept me again. I’m well on my way to having my old life back.
I think tomorrow’s going to be a good day.
Those ZAARG people really got to me. Why would I want to just “accept” this? There’s nothing to accept! I’m human! I’ve just got this little decay problem, and my friends and family still aren’t used to it, but that’s not the same thing as being a zombie. I will never, EVER take a chunk out of another human being! And really, is a real zombie capable of developing his own merchandise? (Shameless plug! CafePress store!)
Seriously, though, you all know me by now. You’re on my side, right? You know I’m not like them.
A few more T-shirt slogan ideas:
“Decay is Beautiful”
“NARC: Not A Romero Character”
“Life Is Worth Re-Living”
“Plants Don’t Have A Problem With Me”
“Love the Diseased, Hate the Disease”
“SWARM: Still Walking After Rigor Mortis”
“I’m Less of a Zombie Than Your Average World of Warcraft Player”
Yeah, that’s all I got so far. I could use some help. Leave suggestions in the comments!
Gotta say, this short film really resonated with me. The animation is simple, but man, I know how that guy feels.
That protein powder I mentioned? I’m selling it now. Hey, I could be like the Geico gecko for this company. Or the Geico caveman. Or the Geico money-with-eyeballs.
What’s that saying about acting like the success you want to be, or something like that? Yeah, well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m doing my best to get back to my normal life. I’m trying to put myself back into the real world, a regular life. So I went to the mall today, just to wander around…and I don’t think there was a single person who didn’t scream at me, try to attack me, or make some “Dawn of the Dead” wisecrack.
Is it really so hard to see that I’m not a zombie? Yes, my joints are stiff, my face is decayed, and I need to actively keep track of my fingernails, but I have intelligent thoughts and regular emotions, just like you. And, you know what? I’m sensitive. It hurts that no matter what I do to differentiate myself, you still lump me in with dangerous monsters.
I do my best, just like everyone else. We all have something we’re dealing with. I’ve got decaying skin. What do YOU have?
So, object lesson: Online shopping ONLY from now on.
So, I went to renew my driver’s license. I haven’t driven since the accident. But if I’m really determined to be normal, I need to face my fears and act normal, and that means driving. Just…not behind any more boats.
I made it to the DMV, and there were about sixty people in line. Big surprise. I let out a frustrated moan…and most of the people screamed and ran away.
Usually, I’d be offended by this. I’m sick of people being scared of me, treating me like a monster. I shouldn’t need to explain how dehumanizing it is to be thought of as just another zombie. But in this case…I was just happy that the line got a lot shorter.
I filled out the forms, paid the fee, and…got my new driver’s license. No questions asked. Apparently, the fact that I was the driver (and victim) in a fatal car crash didn’t hinder the process in any way.
I never realized how easy it is to get a license in Florida. Now I’m REALLY scared to drive!
Okay. That does it. I am done wallowing. No matter what it takes, no matter how hard it is, I NEED to get better. I need my old life back. It’s not happening naturally, so I’m going to take matters into my own hands.
A couple of you are asking for details about the date. I still need to process the whole thing, but I’ll talk about it in a video soon.
In the meantime, I need to figure out how to reinvent myself. I’ll need new clothes, since all my old clothes are bloody. I can probably minimize the effects of my decay with a huge tub of hand cream or a stockpile of talcum powder, but I need to figure out what will actually bring my tissue back to life. Maybe some sort of protein powder, or specialized weight training, or some elaborate cloning process? I don’t know, if you have any suggestions, I’d appreciate it.
Come to think of it, we probably all have things we don’t like about ourselves that we just have to accept. How do you deal with it? Do you try to ignore it, or overcome it? How?
Just got home. Horrible evening. I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Hand to Hand emailed me. I got fired. Apparently there was “an excess of blood and skin tissue” on the promotional letters I was sending out. So? They’re a freaking skin product company! It could have been a whole new ad campaign for them! “Has this ever happened to you? Finger bits all over your Christmas cards? Don’t let your skin decay and fall off! Use our product!”
Ugh, I know, I know. It’s not the end of the world. And I hated that job anyway. I just…when something like this happens, I start feeling like I’ll never get my life back. What else can I do? I got fired from a dead end job that didn’t pay enough to get me out of my parents’ garage, and I don’t know how many real friends I have left. I’m running out of super glue, and the smell seems to remind everyone of that garbage chute scene in “Star Wars”.
I thought this was something to celebrate! Everybody at the memorial said they miss me…that they wish they had more time with me. And yet, everyone is acting like they want to bury me and move on!
I’m sorry, I do appreciate the support I’m getting from all you readers. I wish more of my friends were like you guys. At the very least, I wish Jenny would get back to me.
Frank, if you’re reading this, you’ve been banned from making any more comments. When I say stop, I mean stop.
My Uncle Fred and Aunt Lisa came over yesterday. It was the first time they had seen me since the…event. They gave me all the usual “older relative” stuff… “Oh, look how you’ve grown…I remember when you were this tall…were you in an accident? It’s barely noticeable at all!”
As nice as it should be to have somebody TRYING to treat me like a normal person…do they have to try so HARD? It’s so obviously insincere. It’s patronizing, and it just makes me feel worse.
I don’t know…I’m starting to get a little cynical. Anyone else out there ever felt this alone?
Potentially getting my job back at NationState has become a living nightmare. They’ve got my appeals tied up in their legal departments, so my future is in the hands of a roomful of guys in suits who are just trying to breeze through the day and make their 4:30 golf game. I’ve spent so much time on hold with HR departments, my left ear is actually getting a little mashed, and if I hear that hold music one more time…
Sigh. I saw this ad on craigslist a few days ago: “Flexible hours!! Work from home!! Be a part of a marketing revolution!!” The company’s called Hand to Hand, and they sell these “revolutionary” skin products. I’m usually wary of any ad that uses so many exclamation points, but I really need a job so I can get out of my parents’ garage. It’s not insurance, but I guess it’s helping people.
I got the stuff in the mail today. I stuff envelopes. I don’t even make the follow-up phone calls. I just. Stuff. Envelopes.
Okay, the job sucks. A lot. And most of my friends still seem to be avoiding me. Tony’s the only one who’s even spoken to me. He’s coming over in a little bit; he said he has a surprise for me. Hopefully something that’ll cheer me up.
Maybe I just need some perspective. After all, this can’t last forever. If I unexpectedly came back to life, it stands to reason that sooner or later all my dead tissue will too, right? And then, this will all be a thing of the past.
I’m sure you all have things like this you’re glad to be done with. What’s the worst job YOU’VE ever worked? When did YOU feel like you weren’t living up to your full potential? Leave a comment!
I tried calling a couple of my friends, to see if we were still getting together for Movie Night. It’s tradition. I used to have everyone over, throw together some pizza rolls and chips, and basically MST3K my way through a movie. My friends all loved it.
Of course, living with my parents has made things complicated…they don’t like me to have people over after 9:00 PM. My friend Tony kept the tradition alive…so to speak.
Now, Tony’s a good friend, and he seems to be the only one who accepts me. He looks past the…smell and decay and accepts this new part of me. But he said it would probably be best if I didn’t come, since the others, and I quote, “still weren’t really sure what to do with me”.
Do with me? The same as before! Why is everybody so freaked out? I mean, I get now how it was probably shocking to see me at the pool party. But now that everybody’s had a chance to get used to the idea, what’s the problem? Besides, it’s movie night! I invented movie night! And I’m still just as funny as I was before, right? Right?
Maybe Movie Night has just gotten stale. I should come up with a new tradition and invite everyone! What sorts of traditions do you and your friends keep? Leave a comment!
Hi, I’m Jordan, and I’m starting this blog to tell you about my life. Well, “life” is a bad word choice…you may have already heard my story…ever since the accident, it’s been hard to find people willing to listen to me. Everybody needs a little bit of time to process, I understand. But until then, I’m using this blog to express myself. Right now, I’m still settling in from the move, but I just got a great webcam and I’ll make a video explaining things a little better soon.
In the meantime, leave a comment introducing yourself! If you’re going to join me on my journey, we should all get to know each other!